Well.... I should be 6 mos pregnant today and it hurts really bad that I'm not. I have been in a serious funk lately and I wish I could get out of it. Spen and I have decided to stop trying to conceive and just see what happens. It feels good to not have the pressure but it hurts so bad that I am not preparing for our arrival. I never thought it would be this hard trying to have a baby. Our other two happened so easily. It has almost been a year since we started trying and it doesn't feel real. I'm starting to think that is it not supposed to happen. I do have two amazing kids already and I do feel blessed to have them. They light up my soul every day. I just wish I could give them a little brother or sister. They want it so bad. It hurts when they ask about our angel baby and when they will come back from heaven. I tell them that their uncle is taking care of the baby in heaven. They never had the opportunity to meet their uncle and neither did I. It does help to know that our angel has someone amazing to take care of them until we can. I just wish I felt more at peace with the whole situation.